Trick and Tweet

Today's children and budding adults are bored and colleges are cramming so many of them into these learning farms, that individuality is won through ludacris acts of attention-starved vagrancy. It is due to this need to set themselves apart that teenage to twenty something women have come up with a dangerous game that could even cost them or someone else, everything.

It's called, "Trick and Tweet" and it's just in time for Halloween. Young women are taking to the streets or simply pushing themselves on jocks or willing participants of the sexual act and then tweeting their photos along with those men when the man has passed out.

"See back in my day, we just called it being a ho," said one college professor, Connor Linkous who was recently a victim of Trick and Tweet causing him to lose his job as a tenure professor due to the schools code of "ethics and superior integrity." "It cost me my job but it cost that [EXPLITIVE DELETED] her reputation. I'm not a handsome man but I have high standards and now everybody knows I can get with sexy women like her. I gladly trade my job as a professor in a dusty lab for a position as lab director that pays way better, AND a secure reputation as a P.I.M.P! Strike that last part for me though, will you?" No sir, we will not.

California University of Nano-Technology Dean of student life, Anita Pimbya, says of Linkous, "well, I mean he was an [EXPLITIVE DELETED] anyway, but I can't have my students turning tricks on anyone even [EXPLITIVE DELETED]-heads like Con. Wait, is this thing on?"

To get in the student mind we asked Tweeter and host to the University newspaper, Amy Ho, why students are degrading themselves in such a way in a student's words.

"Ha! A student's words. Well, I personally have not done anything like that and I'm not sure anyone in the lab has either but on the admin side, I know those people would and have, sold their souls to the devil to get our grant money or simply to put themselves ahead of the competition. We're a small industry, pun intended, and the amount of money to be made numbers in the billions. People will pay anything for a machine that rebuilds them at the smallest level.

At other colleges, though? Well i'd say cheerleaders don't need new excuses to be whores, they just have a new medium and working in the tech industry, i'm sure it hasn't hurt Twitter's reputation in the least either. It's a symbiotic relationship between under-appreciated, under achieving morons and brilliant tech geniuses that feed on their stupidity and neither side seems to mind."

There you have it. For The Regular Review, Silicon Valley, California, I'm Dylan Paul.

Spider... Fish?

Due to declining fish populations, over fishing and  polution, one small school in California (The California Living Institute for Technology or CLIT) has decided to do something about saving the fish.

"Our school was founded on the principals that technology can help improve and maintain life in many ecosystems and one of our gifted students put together this project in the hopes of doing just that," said school spokeswoman and Dean of student life, Anita Wong.

The idea was this: splice fish DNA with spider DNA so fish eggs that would otherwise be destroyed would float to safer havens on the current of winds. The results, however were disasterous: the fish ended up becoming stuck to the bottom of the watery biospheres they were being kept in and drowning in their own webs.

Here in the salty town of Walleye CA, where the best dish is a fish, fish nurseries and coastal fishing have seen their share of hard times and many involved in the project have family and friends in town who depend on the industry; so any attempt, whether it be inside or outside the fishery, is welcome by the townspeople. Not everybody sees things that way though and recently, government officials had to intervene.

"Right off the bat, we saw at least half of the fish population die in the mating process," said EPA spokeswoman and chair Gina McCarthy. "Mating involves certain unavoidable byproducts and fish are ill equipped to realize the difference between the gland for fertilization and the gland for shooting web. This whole thing was rediculous from the beginning!"

The EPA said that the research project is protected as long as it remains contained, however, Ms. McCarthy has lodged a formal complaint against CLIT and all its spider fish related research.

The organization PETA agreed with madam spokeswoman and staged a demonstration Tuesday to protest the fish faux-pas.

"I mean, I'm all for save the fish but when they're sticking them self in the mud and drowning because of human interference... well... we're not gods man. We don't have the right to dabble," said one protester before walking off in high heeled shoes with aquariums in the bottom. This reporter inquired as to the look to which the protester responded, "save the fish!" Flashed her breasts and disappeared into the crowd.

Here at The Regular Review, we prefer to get facts from the source so we went to project manager Veeshi B. Aiken for what his thoughts were and why he initiated the project.

"If I had known it would be this much of a hassle, I would have eaten sushi instead," said Veeshi on his way out of his dorm. He declined further comment.

This is Dylan Paul, The Regular Review, Walleye California.