Trick and Tweet

Today's children and budding adults are bored and colleges are cramming so many of them into these learning farms, that individuality is won through ludacris acts of attention-starved vagrancy. It is due to this need to set themselves apart that teenage to twenty something women have come up with a dangerous game that could even cost them or someone else, everything.

It's called, "Trick and Tweet" and it's just in time for Halloween. Young women are taking to the streets or simply pushing themselves on jocks or willing participants of the sexual act and then tweeting their photos along with those men when the man has passed out.

"See back in my day, we just called it being a ho," said one college professor, Connor Linkous who was recently a victim of Trick and Tweet causing him to lose his job as a tenure professor due to the schools code of "ethics and superior integrity." "It cost me my job but it cost that [EXPLITIVE DELETED] her reputation. I'm not a handsome man but I have high standards and now everybody knows I can get with sexy women like her. I gladly trade my job as a professor in a dusty lab for a position as lab director that pays way better, AND a secure reputation as a P.I.M.P! Strike that last part for me though, will you?" No sir, we will not.

California University of Nano-Technology Dean of student life, Anita Pimbya, says of Linkous, "well, I mean he was an [EXPLITIVE DELETED] anyway, but I can't have my students turning tricks on anyone even [EXPLITIVE DELETED]-heads like Con. Wait, is this thing on?"

To get in the student mind we asked Tweeter and host to the University newspaper, Amy Ho, why students are degrading themselves in such a way in a student's words.

"Ha! A student's words. Well, I personally have not done anything like that and I'm not sure anyone in the lab has either but on the admin side, I know those people would and have, sold their souls to the devil to get our grant money or simply to put themselves ahead of the competition. We're a small industry, pun intended, and the amount of money to be made numbers in the billions. People will pay anything for a machine that rebuilds them at the smallest level.

At other colleges, though? Well i'd say cheerleaders don't need new excuses to be whores, they just have a new medium and working in the tech industry, i'm sure it hasn't hurt Twitter's reputation in the least either. It's a symbiotic relationship between under-appreciated, under achieving morons and brilliant tech geniuses that feed on their stupidity and neither side seems to mind."

There you have it. For The Regular Review, Silicon Valley, California, I'm Dylan Paul.

Spider... Fish?

Due to declining fish populations, over fishing and  polution, one small school in California (The California Living Institute for Technology or CLIT) has decided to do something about saving the fish.

"Our school was founded on the principals that technology can help improve and maintain life in many ecosystems and one of our gifted students put together this project in the hopes of doing just that," said school spokeswoman and Dean of student life, Anita Wong.

The idea was this: splice fish DNA with spider DNA so fish eggs that would otherwise be destroyed would float to safer havens on the current of winds. The results, however were disasterous: the fish ended up becoming stuck to the bottom of the watery biospheres they were being kept in and drowning in their own webs.

Here in the salty town of Walleye CA, where the best dish is a fish, fish nurseries and coastal fishing have seen their share of hard times and many involved in the project have family and friends in town who depend on the industry; so any attempt, whether it be inside or outside the fishery, is welcome by the townspeople. Not everybody sees things that way though and recently, government officials had to intervene.

"Right off the bat, we saw at least half of the fish population die in the mating process," said EPA spokeswoman and chair Gina McCarthy. "Mating involves certain unavoidable byproducts and fish are ill equipped to realize the difference between the gland for fertilization and the gland for shooting web. This whole thing was rediculous from the beginning!"

The EPA said that the research project is protected as long as it remains contained, however, Ms. McCarthy has lodged a formal complaint against CLIT and all its spider fish related research.

The organization PETA agreed with madam spokeswoman and staged a demonstration Tuesday to protest the fish faux-pas.

"I mean, I'm all for save the fish but when they're sticking them self in the mud and drowning because of human interference... well... we're not gods man. We don't have the right to dabble," said one protester before walking off in high heeled shoes with aquariums in the bottom. This reporter inquired as to the look to which the protester responded, "save the fish!" Flashed her breasts and disappeared into the crowd.

Here at The Regular Review, we prefer to get facts from the source so we went to project manager Veeshi B. Aiken for what his thoughts were and why he initiated the project.

"If I had known it would be this much of a hassle, I would have eaten sushi instead," said Veeshi on his way out of his dorm. He declined further comment.

This is Dylan Paul, The Regular Review, Walleye California.

Noise vs. Silence

Sometimes I wonder if people aren't generally divided into two groups: those who experience a cacophony and those who experience euphony. There are moments in everyone's life where they might experience both but when I view our brains in terms of the general definition of "noise" I think some people can't live without it.

The people who experience life through cacophony are those people that sit in a car, driving, and have to play the radio or listen to some song. Silence is not an option because something about it disturbs them. This is a clear cut example but the theme runs throughout their life: instead of speaking simply, they'll use many words to describe what they have to say because their minds are not quiet places.

"I woke up and saw the tv where I thought of the ferocious barking it made the night before and dreaded going to work; as it would take me away from my pleasant fictitious din."

I would say that phrase is of one who experiences euphony. The flow is pure and it expresses feeling through words as opposed to words derived from a feeling.

Someone once told me that the English language can be described with the sentiment of two of its main roots: German and French. German words are represented by words like, "bad", "good" and "rough"; while French words are represented by "malicious", "magnanimous" and "turbulent".

French rooted words are rooted in a Romance language which really means from Roman roots or Latin but the irony of the base being called Romance is that the sentiment behind a word that might be longer is to achieve an emotional response from that word.

If your talking to your boyfriend and you ask how his day was and he says, "good," one of two options arise: either you take his word for it, or you have to inquire farther because not enough information was given to satisfy your curiosity. If he were to say, however, "it was supremely delightful!" Now there's really only one option which is you must inquire farther because you actually want to know more.

The words we choose and the feeling behind them represent us to the people we're talking to and I have digressed but I can tie it all back with this: that silence and few words is a discipline that must be lived because it's very hard to speak a few words and maximize meaning. Poets have been seeking to do it for a thousand years and still struggle with it.

The mind that needs cacophony is not worse or stupid for not having this ray of love for the simplistic complication that is that yearning for calmness and oneness but rather just differnet.

Let's face it: without those who lived in stress, we who live in quiet calm would not be able to function and visa versa but we should not seek to empathize with the other because it will only make us angry that we can't understand it. Respect is the key to these personality types living side by side and finding a balance is the essence of life.

Totally turtle trivia time

What was the shredder's real name?

Oroshi Saki

Professor Baxter mutates into what animal?

A fly.

What was the first name of the vigilante who wore a hockey mask and fought crime with sports based attacks?

Kacey

What is Splinter's real name?

Hamato Yoshi

Rocksteady and Beebop were animals that mutated into creatures like the turtles. True or False?

False, they were humans who were given mutagen which mutated them into the last animals they came into contact with which were a rhinoceros and a warthog.

Shredder had help coming to power because of the disembodied brain from a warlord leader from dimension X named _______.

Krang

Krang's body was with him when he was first introduced, true of false?

False. Krang made a deal with the shredder to make him a body and that is where Shedder's technology originally came from.

"The foot" soldiers are trained street toughs in the original story, true or false?

False. They were robots.

How did the turtles get their names?

Yoshi, who originally found the turtles in the sewer and after he raised them and then they were covered in mutagen to become grown turtles, named them after his "favorite renaissance painters."

How Nancy Grace became a joke...

I'll start off with this disclaimer, I do not smoke it anymore because it's still illegal where I'm from and I get drug tested for my job but other than that, I believe it's a decent medicine for hard knocks.  Nancy Grace on the other hand, has it in her mind that like being Muslim makes people want to go out and kill other people, pot makes people want to feed it to a 2 year old.

So we don't cut corners, I believe the most simple way to put this is, "this heffer needs to shut her yap."
In the video, we see Nancy Grace parade her only argument to a rapper who's clearly too stoned to think straight in front of this powerhouse piglet.  Nancy Grace keeps showing this video of parents giving a child a joint and throwing this in the face of the rapper 2 Chains.  For the record, I believe him to be kind of ridiculous and am not a fan of his new age rap style.  I think these modern day rappers treat hip-hop the way their on stage personas treat women: like a whore.  However, that does not give Nancy Grace the right to attack this man's character when she should be discussing the issue like she's done some research besides her, "experimentation in college that she'll never admit to" or what she heard from her friend's husband's nephew's friend's closeted gay lover. So in lieu of 2 Chains seeming to flounder for words in this interview, this journalist decided to make an argument of his own.  On behalf of The Regular Review, let's shine the light back on Nancy and give her a big middle finger from all of us here:

How many times did she raid her parents liquor cabinet? or steal it at a Christmas party? or, since we are talking about Porky's cousin, scalpel lovin', "that leather jacket does not go with your old ass and bad hairdo, Nancy Grace-less, she probably just got up on the sink and got it out of her parents medicine cabinet; provided her parents weren't the type to pass out with it in their left hand, while holding a lukewarm glass of Cabernet Sauvignon in the other.

Just saying.

I don't smoke it anymore because I can't but there are plenty of legal drugs to give kids without fighting the uphill battle of making pot look like some dangerous drug.  No idiots, the only dangerous thing about any drug is the person taking it and that's on them.

The same goes for all things that want to kill us in this world: Guns? Shouldn't own one? Don't allow them to get it. Alcohol: Caught underage? You go to jail. Skydiving is dangerous? Don't jump out of a plane.  Police are beating innocent civilians in the streets? Fire them and make an example out of them. Children are being beaten or abused? Arrest those abusing them.  They're smoking pot? In the words of the oompah loompahs,

"Who do you blame when your kid is a brat?
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat
Blaming the kids [and pot] is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who's to blame

The mother and the father"

Unfortunately, for the Nancy Grace's of the world, she's got an agenda and so does the network that pays her bills.  Basically, she's just a glorified prostitute in front of a camera but once again, Don't want to kiss rich media mogul's ass? Don't be a journalist for a network syndicate that pushes an agenda hard.

I don't judge you for selling your integrity for a story and all that money to still be ugly, Nancy... Well I kind of do but I'm not going on national television to do it without being pushed to have to say something; So how about we let the brother who doesn't make enough money to get horrible botox injections and own people to make that rat's nest of a hairdo on your head, hit the blunt a few times because let's face it, without him, and everyone like him, there would be no money for your ugliness either.

From everyone here at The Regular Review, do what you do and make something of yourself regardless. I'm Dylan Paul. Good Night.

Nope

Many people in this country today feel that Marijuana is the biggest issue facing the people of the United Stated but I say, “Nope,” Alcohol is. It’s always been the biggest issue because Alcohol is the “Nope” drug. It works in a series of “Nopes” that begin the moment somebody starts using it. I will demonstrate it right now:



“Can I make it to the bar after pre-gaming like a fat fumigated frat boy?”

Nope.

“I’ll have to get my non-drinking, nursing student girlfriend to drive me there.”

“Can I talk?”

Nope.

“…But my girlfriend loves me for my sober self with a 3.8 and law degree so she drives me anyway.”

“Can I drink without spilling my beer?”

Nope

“…But the bar tender understands that I’m drunk and clumsy and I have money so I look like I do and he forgives me anyway.”

“Can I have a conversation with a real girl without making a complete ass of myself and possibly treating her like an object?”

Nope

“…So her beefy ethnic boyfriend, who is also drunk but much larger and bulkier than myself; so he can drink like a Russian on iceskates, shoes me away barely avoiding a fight.”

“Can I pay the bar tab without kneeing the guy next to me in the groin and starting a bar fight, which I inevitably lose?”

Nope

“There is a possibility I will end up in the hospital or jail tonight, but more likely, I will end up falling asleep on my girlfriend’s floor as I could not make it to the bed and possibly piss myself; while having to cover it up in the morning with a dash to the washer/dryer combos in the dorm.”

“Was alcohol a good idea?”

Nope

“Will I do it again?”

“You bet you’re ass I will! That shit’s legal!”