Nope

Many people in this country today feel that Marijuana is the biggest issue facing the people of the United Stated but I say, “Nope,” Alcohol is. It’s always been the biggest issue because Alcohol is the “Nope” drug. It works in a series of “Nopes” that begin the moment somebody starts using it. I will demonstrate it right now:



“Can I make it to the bar after pre-gaming like a fat fumigated frat boy?”

Nope.

“I’ll have to get my non-drinking, nursing student girlfriend to drive me there.”

“Can I talk?”

Nope.

“…But my girlfriend loves me for my sober self with a 3.8 and law degree so she drives me anyway.”

“Can I drink without spilling my beer?”

Nope

“…But the bar tender understands that I’m drunk and clumsy and I have money so I look like I do and he forgives me anyway.”

“Can I have a conversation with a real girl without making a complete ass of myself and possibly treating her like an object?”

Nope

“…So her beefy ethnic boyfriend, who is also drunk but much larger and bulkier than myself; so he can drink like a Russian on iceskates, shoes me away barely avoiding a fight.”

“Can I pay the bar tab without kneeing the guy next to me in the groin and starting a bar fight, which I inevitably lose?”

Nope

“There is a possibility I will end up in the hospital or jail tonight, but more likely, I will end up falling asleep on my girlfriend’s floor as I could not make it to the bed and possibly piss myself; while having to cover it up in the morning with a dash to the washer/dryer combos in the dorm.”

“Was alcohol a good idea?”

Nope

“Will I do it again?”

“You bet you’re ass I will! That shit’s legal!”